Guilt, Measurements, and New Projects

Have you ever started something and then wondered why?

I’ve been feeling like that about writing. I’m one of those people who loves to have written, but often hates the actual process of writing. The times when writing feels smooth and effortless, when I actually feel happy and satisfied with my writing while actually writing are few and far between. I usually rely on favs, likes, and comments to keep my spirits up.

And there’s always punishment. I’m not Catholic, but sometimes it feels like I “got enough guilt to start my own religion.” It’s not fun, it’s not pretty, and I wish I wasn’t wired that way. I’ve used fear of punishment for failing to drive myself forward for years, and the worst demon is the one inside your head.

Needless to say, this is not the most healthy way to be productive. In fact, it’s becoming counter-productive since my energy levels are dropping and my life is more topsy-turvy than it’s ever been before. Being unsettled means that the delicate schedules I weld into place quickly fracture under life’s pressures, which only acts as further discouragement. I also have a bad habit of taking on too many projects when I’m feeling good, projects that I can’t always handle when I’m depressed, and when I have to cut back or don’t meet those goals, that only fuels the depression.

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How To End a Story

I was recently given the challenge of writing about endings. How does one end a story in a satisfying way? I’m not sure if I’m the best one to ask since I haven’t finished any project of note or scope. A few of my short stories are complete, but most of them aren’t very good. However, I’ll do my best.

Stories revolve around conflict. Sometimes the conflict is very small, like misplacing your keys and trying to find them before you are late for work, or the conflict could be huge, spanning star systems and deciding the fate of entire worlds. Most stories fall somewhere between the two. Fantasy does tend to go large-scale with some kind of threat to the world or at least to the local kingdom.

A story begins usually just before the conflict is introduced. We see what is “normal” and then something happens that creates conflict for the character. They lose their job, they are taken out of slavery, they become a slave, they gain or lose a kingdom. The conflict introduced may bring them positive changes, like in Mercedes Lackey’s Dragon Jousters series. A boy name Vetch is a serf, bound to the land under a harsh master, but that changes when a Dragon Jouster comes to his home and takes him on as a servant to help tend the great dragons. Obviously Vetch will be facing a new set of challenges, but his lot has improved from his previous state of serfdom. Or the conflict could be more negative and dangerous. Richard Mayhew in Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere is living a perfectly ordinary life until he stumbles across an injured girl named Door. He takes care of her and she’s out of his life in less than 24 hours, but as a result, he suddenly becomes invisible to the upper world. His good deed costs him his fiancée, his job, his money, his home, his very existence as a normal person. Because of this unfortunate turn of events, he must descend into the dangerous London Below to try to get his life back.

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Is Fantasy Becoming Too Dark?

There is a great disturbance in the Force. Its name is Game of Thrones.

No, this is not another anti-Thrones rant, and no I haven’t watched or read beyond the first season and book of the series. Really, this isn’t about Game of Thrones. It’s about a trend in fantasy that I believe has come to a head.

For the first time, adult fantasy has really reached mainstream culture. Harry Potter paved the way, but that was initially a book series for kids. The fact that adults liked it too was a phenomenon all its own. But Game of Thrones never was intended for children, and HBO is definitely geared for a mature adult audience.

There are many things that disturb me about Game of Thrones, but it was really a discussion with a friend that got me thinking about why my reaction to it has ranged from apathetic to negative. One of the main selling points of Game of Thrones is its uncertainty. There is a lack of the clear-cut lines between friend and foe, antagonist and protagonist, to the point where you can’t really know who or what you’re rooting for, let alone what will happen next. Anyone could die at any time. To the show’s credit, I’ve heard that none of the deaths have been just for their shock value; there are repercussions and the characters have to deal with that. It’s a tight-woven web of realism and intrigue, something that really should appeal to me.

But it doesn’t.

Why?

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Dissecting a Scene

I can’t do it.

Yes, I can point out (usually) where a scene begins and ends and I can identify a poorly written one, but I find it difficult to break a scene down into small, easily identifiable parts. And ever since my experiences in school, which was actually damaging to my writing and my confidence, I’m wary of trying to create an outline or a list. Writing a scene isn’t like marking off a list of produce to pick up at the market, or following a cake recipe. “Use 5 paragraphs, well sifted to remove all the adverbs, add a half cup of character development, two tablespoons of plot, and a dash of inspiration. Stir until well-mixed, then pour into the editing pan to be grilled for three hours on high heat.”

Nope, sorry, doesn’t work that way.

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Influential Books: Part 5

This is the fifth and final part of a series of entries discussing various books that deeply influenced my writing and outlook on stories. You can read the Introduction here, Part 1 here, Part 2 here, Part 3 here, and Part 4 here. Please note that discussion of these books may contain spoilers.

I thought I’d close out this discussion of influential books with a genre that I don’t usually read: nonfiction. It’s only in the last three years or so that I’ve really started delving into nonfiction; before I just passed it by as something that I don’t dealt with for research, not read for fun. However, I started finding interesting books about internet culture, fandom, introverts, and writing. So, here I am to talk about three nonfiction books that helped influence me as a person as well as a writer.

This book saved my life. I’m only slightly exaggerating when I say that. I was deep in the grip of depression when my onii-san David let me borrow his copy of Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live by Martha Beck. I was in pain, confused, and trying desperately to claw my way out of a hole I had only recently realized I was in. I needed to make sense of what was happening to me, why I was so unhappy, and what to do about it. Listening to other people doesn’t help me much because I often find it hard to relate to someone else’s thought processes. But books…a book I can read. A book I can understand and apply to my own life and experiences. And Finding You Own North Star helped me do just that.

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Influential Books: Part 3

This is the third part of a series of entries discussing various books that deeply influenced my writing and outlook on stories. You can read the Introduction here, Part 1 here, and Part 2 here. Please note that discussion of these books may contain spoilers.

While writing these “Influential Books” posts, I’ve noticed that most of these books were read between the ages of 8 and 12. I’m pretty sure I was 11 when I picked up a copy of The Dark Elf Trilogy by R.A. Salvatore.

It was after we’d moved, but we still came back to my hometown in Maryland occasionally. I think we stopped to get Chinese food or maybe we stopped by the hardware store. Either way, we had a little extra time, so Mom and Dad let us go into a nearby bookstore. I had $20 of birthday money in my pocket; a small fortune to me. I prowled through the shelves, not looking for anything in particular, although I always wanted to buy as many books as possible. Then I noticed the lurid cover of the February 2000 paperback Collector’s Edition of The Dark Elf Trilogy, which promised to contain the first three books of the Chronicles of Drizzt: Homeland, Exile, and Sojourn. That got my attention. I love omnibuses, origin stories, and complete sets, plus I’d never heard of a “dark elf” before, so I bought it.

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Schedule Snapshot

SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

We still need your help to save Green Lantern: The Animated Series and Young Justice from their untimely cancellation! While online petitions are great, writing letters, sending e-mails, and making phone calls are much, much better. If you would like to help save Green Lantern and Young Justice, please take a look at this site to learn contact information, Twitter hashtags, and more. Together we can make a difference!

END SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.

Okay, now that that is off my chest, we can get into the meat of this post. Although I’ll admit that my entries have been a little lean lately. Nearing the end of a project seems to slow my momentum rather than increase it. But I did want to create a companion entry to “Page Counts, Words, Rosemary, and Time.” “Page Counts” dealt with my own schedule and how I use daily word counts or time spent to move forward. While writing that entry, I wondered if any other fantasy authors, or authors in general, did something similar. Did any of them measure their progress by counting pages? Or did they set aside specific blocks of time to work? Or did they just write all day long? I know each author has their own way of doing things, but I also like finding trends.

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The Fear of Finishing

This year, I made the commitment to complete The Mariner Sequence – Book 1: Ravens and Roses by the end of 2013. I have committed myself to, not only finishing writing it, but also editing it. You’d think I’d be happy about this. And, in a way, I am. I’ve made significant progress. I just broke 180 pages yesterday. This is the point that writer’s work towards, the place where many fall down. The hardest part of any work is finishing it.

And I’m terrified.

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Page Counts, Words, Rosemary, and Time

First post of 2013! Here’s hoping it’s better than 2012.

On my last entry, I asked my readers (or any other random passers-by) to ask me questions. What kinds of topics would you like to see me write about? The first is paraphrased as follows:

A) How do you write consistently every day?

B) How do you decide to measure your progress: with word/page counts or time spent? Which is best?

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2012: The Year In Review

I can’t believe I started this blog back at the end of June 2011. I thought I’d only started this year! Time sure does fly, doesn’t it? Maybe it only seems like I started this year because I had to step back and write every other week rather than every week. I’m glad that I made that decision, although it seems like I’m still writing my entries the day they are “due.” (No doubt a holdover from my school days when I procrastinated absolutely everything. Even my senior paper I wrote the night before it was due. But I got a “B” so I call that a win.)

I’ve covered a lot of territory this year. In some ways, I wonder if I have anything else to say about writing. Sometimes I look back and wonder, “Well…what else can I talk about?” Sometimes I feel like I don’t really have the authority to talk about some subjects because I’m not good at them, have little experience with them, or simply because “I’m not published.” But I’ve realized that being published doesn’t mean you have all the answers or know what you’re talking about. I might not be published yet, not even by a vanity press, but at least I’m writing. I really took to heart Chuck Wendig’s admonishment of “aspiring” writers: “If you write: you are a writer. If you do not write: you are not.” (Whether you write well is a whole different story.)

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